Incomplete Goals – How to Combat the Groundhog Day Effect

Incomplete goals can be so frustrating, and the start of a new year is typically a time to reflect on your progress in life. So, you open your journal, if you keep one, or perhaps you had some post-it notes on the wall somewhere, or even just a diary entry where you jotted some thoughts and declarations that this year will be different.

“This year, I’m going to blah, blah, blah!” it’s usually either solving some problem or dealing with something that’s making you unhappy, or it’s moving towards something that will improve your overall sense of happiness and fulfilment.

The Self-Shaming

Because of the season, these are labelled as ‘New Year’s Resolutions’, but they’re not just restricted to this post-festive period. You can set new goals any time of the year and review your progress some time later, either to pat yourself on the back for your achievements, or to beat yourself up for your dismal failures and lack of follow-through (and thanks to our ‘inner critics’, we’re all great at being hard on ourselves, right?)

So it was, that I, a successful entrepreneur, and an experienced and qualified coach, nonetheless reviewed my last few years’ journal entries around this same time and was briefly at least, disgusted with myself.

“You pathetic failure!” my ego said mockingly inside my own head. “You have regurgitated some of these so-called goals or ‘dreams’ every year like a broken record. Who do you think you are to be able to help other people when you haven’t even achieved the things your own big mouth said you would?!”

The Rebuttal

Shifting to that other me, the observer of my own toxic inner voice, I defended myself. “Well, maybe you didn’t do all of those things, but look at what an amazing year you did just have!”

By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie ‘Groundhog Day’, it’s where the main character, played by Bill Murray, is a journalist, reporting on a fairly banal event in a country town, where the highlight of the year is the annual appearance of a bunch of small mammals. He awakens the next day to find that his day is an exact replica of the one before, where he meets the same people and has the same conversations. No matter how hard he tries to change events, he continues to awaken each day to the same old routine. No further spoilers – it is funny and engaging, though a slightly poignant reminder for us all to review our own repetitive patterns.

Anyway, in my defence, in 2023 we went on our pre-Covid catch-up adventures to the U.S.A. and Canada, including a cruise up the Inside Passage to Alaska and ticking off my bucket list to visit Yellowstone, the Rocky Mountains and walking on a real-life glacier. We also went to New Zealand and Bali, met loads of fantastic people, making lots of new friends in the process, plus did some massive home improvements and enjoyed heaps of fun times with family and good friends. In short, I’d describe 2023, by quoting our Kiwi friend, Juliet as “Epic!”.

I’m not meaning to show off, just illustrating my point. This was all possible because of the massive amount of work I had put in for the previous two years, working flat out ‘back on the tools’ in scorchingly hot summer weather and drenching cold winter rains alike, to maintain my business contracts when it seemed almost impossible to find enough good, reliable staff owing to the pandemic border closures. It was also a testament to the fantastic supportive team I have assembled and trained since those dark times, who were able to perform their roles efficiently even when I’m only managing from a distance.

Tony’s 9 Top Tips for the Day on ‘Intention Setting’.

I won’t bore you with my list of irritatingly incomplete goals because I’m sure you have your own collection. I will, however, just share a few random thoughts on the topic that I hope may provide you some comfort.

1. You are not alone. Not everyone will be the next Steven Bartlett and create a business empire that generates millions by the time you’re thirty years old. That’s in no way a dig at him – he has my absolute admiration, as do Sir Richard Branson, Elon Musk and many others. It’s ok to be who YOU are, at whatever level makes YOU happy. Fact – some people are more ‘driven’ than others.
2. ‘Success’ means however you define success. ‘No matter your occupation, no matter your bank balance, no matter how many likes or followers you have on social media, what counts is whether you have created a life for yourself that makes you feel happy.
3. Free self-improvement – no matter what opportunities you may have been denied in the past, in today’s world, you have no excuse not to educate yourself further if that’s what you wish to do in the pursuit of your dreams. Yes, degrees may cost an arm and a leg, but you can ‘Google’ how to do just about anything and find at least six or more (sometimes hundreds) of videos telling you the answers, or the skills and tips. Plus, there are still books available in public libraries for free.
4. The goal posts CAN move! Just because you set a goal in January and don’t achieve it that year, doesn’t always mean that you have to stick with it or be labelled a ‘loser’. Example – we wanted to walk the Inca Trail in 2013 but life got in the way. Instead, we did it in 2014 (by the way, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life – highly recommended, if you’re physically up to it). You can also add the word ‘yet’ as in I haven’t done it ‘yet’, but I still will.
5. Wishes are not real goals. There are many things I’d like to do in my lifetime, and sometimes I get over-optimistic and try to fit way too much into the time available. I know this about myself, but it’s part of what drove me to push myself to succeed and achieve things that others told me were not possible. The key distinction between a wish – something you’d like to do; and a goal – something you fully intend to do; is the attitude towards them.
   Example – I’d like to learn conversational Spanish some day (is a wish). I will watch a ‘Spanish for beginners’ video every day and work through a phrase book, plus attend an evening class, so that I can confidently ask for directions and order meals during my holiday in Spain in 2025. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound).
6. Be kind to yourself and honest with yourself. Author and speaker, Mel Robins gave a great example with her goal of wanting to regain a ‘flat stomach’. She inspected her ‘goal’ and asked herself if she was really willing to do the work that it would take to achieve that. ‘No way!,’ she concluded, because she hated gym work. Could she set a more reasonable target, but accept that this was not the ideal? Sure, she could go for walks, watch the kinds of foods she would eat, without becoming obsessive, and make herself feel happier with her body image. A compromise is kinder on yourself when you review your ‘goal’ honestly.
7. Check your moral compass. Is the goal, or was the goal, (when reviewing why you didn’t do it) something that you really felt alright about. If you set a goal but it’s different to your beliefs or other preferences, then you’re going to have conflicting values. Did you fear failing at it and not want to feel like a loser (again), so you didn’t even start! Or, curiously, did you fear succeeding, because that would give you a new level you would have to live up to – oh the pressure!
8. The big one – be grateful. I’ve been a ‘to do’ list maker and goal-oriented person my whole life, but I’ve really learned the art of gratitude for what I do have already. That far outweighs what I might have, what I’d like to have, or what somebody else has got – and that’s their business. Constantly noticing and expressing just how much I can be thankful for is massively uplifting.

9. 

   Reframe your setbacks as opportunities. My studies of the Stoic Philosophers and the Japanese art of Kaizen have reinforced what my dear old mother, Vera Inman used to say to me. They all emphasise the art of looking at your setbacks and disappointments in a different way. My mother would say “Oh well, it didn’t work out, so it obviously wasn’t meant to be, and there will be something better around the corner.” Not only that but learn to look at your shortcomings as learning curves or even opportunities that wouldn’t have been there if this hadn’t happened. For example, you’re stuck in traffic, so instead of getting angry at the jam, listen to a positive audio book or some happy songs, or call a friend (hands free of course).

So, thanks for hearing me coaching myself and I hope that helped you with your update of your plans.

Seize the day! (But if you need to just chill out, that’s OK too!)